Thursday, May 1, 2014

Let us Begin Again, Again

   I have reached out and talked to my other sister. I felt that there were some things about our family (and genetics) that she needed to know. Things like "Do not drink alcohol, because addiction lines run like crazy through both sides of the family." and "Losing weight will be a problem, even if you starve and exercise-you will put it back on if you deviate." and "We are prone to mental illnesses. I'm bipolar, Stef had Borderline Personality Disorder and OCD. See a shrink."
  Then we started talking about personalities. We are rather similar. We both have off-kilter senses of humour, hold grudges forever, and are passionate about underdogs. We both have big dreams, but live in mediocrity. Her voice sounds so much like my late sister's that I almost cried when I heard it.
   She asked me about our mom, which made sense. Her (adoptive) dad had made mom out to be a psycho. I felt like I had to defend mom, but still be honest, which was tricky. She asked if mom ever thought about her. I had to admit that mom had always said that even while she was pregnant, she knew she was going to give that baby up for adoption, and always thought of the baby as belonging to the adoptive mom. My mom didn't even hold her or see her after she was born.
   The weirdest part is: while I was talking to my sister on the phone, I was texting my mom. It was a very awkward game of telephone. Eventually, I asked mom if it's ok if my sister had her number, and she assented. They exchanged a few texts, but I don't think anything's become of it.
   Have I gained a sister and a bestie? I think it's far too early to tell. And part of me is jealous that she was adopted into a family that loved her and that she had a fairly decent childhood. I wondered what I would have become growing up with her affluent, doting parents. I guess those kinds of musings are normal, if there is a normal in this situation. I'm sure she imagined growing up with mom in the childhood I sketched out to her. I just don't know.
   So here we all are, somewhere between strangers and acquaintances; but those that know the really dirty laundry about each other. And I have to say, the scenery here is very strange.