Saturday, November 16, 2013

Rubbed the Wrong Way

  I got a massage Thursday. I usually love massages. I have huge, painful knots, and massage helps. I also use them to de-stress (and lately I've had a LOT of stress). I had a great relationship with a massage therapist, but then she moved. I bought a Groupon for a massage from a place I had never heard of. The massage was cheap, so I tried it.
   The first time I went in, it was pretty good. The guy reminded me of an old hippie, even though the place was professional looking and classy. It was a darn amazing massage, too. He did lots of techniques and even some acupressure. So I set up another appointment.
   That last appointment was Thursday. And something happened that I'm still not sure about. There were a few times when I felt his hands wandered into places they shouldn't. There were a couple of times while he was massaging my thighs that his hands brushed places I wasn't comfortable with. Then something scary happened. When he did that, I got a flashback of my dad. I was 8, in the bathtub, and he was "helping" me take a bath.
   Did I ask him to stop? Did I say I was uncomfortable? Nope. I just laid there and tried not to scream. I was a kid again, and I had no control. I was scared, and I didn't act. I outweigh him by like 130 pounds, and yet I let him keep going.
   Then when he was rubbing my shoulders, he rubbed between, atop, and beside my breasts. He didn't ask permission, or even tell me what he planned on doing. I kind of freaked out-a mini panic attack. Later that night, I emailed him explaining that I was uncomfortable. Haven't heard back yet.

   So what I'm trying to figure out is if he did something wrong, or, because of my sexual abuse background, I just read too much into it.
   I've also never remembered so much about my past with my dad. I'm hurt, confused, angry, and irritated. I don't know what to do, or how to feel. It's just annoying that I am just starting to get over my issues with my dad, that something else happened to throw me back into that mind space. I thought coming to terms with my abuse history would empower me, not allow me to be victimised again.


  1. I'm so sorry. That must have been terrifying for you. I don't think it's just your imagination. For one thing you've had several massages in the past yet have not been uncomfortable until now. Plus, I haven't had a lot of massages but it seems really odd that he would be massaging between and on top of your breasts. And he obviously doesn't do that all the time since you went to him before and didn't have a problem. Even if it is a legitimate technique I can't believe that he wouldn't ask permission first.

    It's not your fault that you froze up. Even if it hadn't triggered those flashbacks this isn't the type of situation that most people prepare for. When I was in college a creepy friend of my roommate cornered and started grinding against me and as much as I hated it I didn't say no. A lot of women go into denial and freeze up. It's not just you. He was the one that was inappropriate. None of this is your fault. I'm glad that you worked up the courage to confront him via email later. I'd recommend that you also contact the spa manager as well. At the very least they need to reprimand him for being so unprofessional. I hope that this hasn't set you back too much and that you have the support you need. Hugs.

    1. Thanks. I'm still not sure if I want a massage again...just thinking about it makes me panicky.

  2. Definitely, listen to your fear. If it felt inappropriate, it probably was. If you've never read The Gift of Fear, you should. Very helpful. I'm not sure if I remember the author's name correctly, but I think it's Gavin deBeck.

    1. Thank you for your support and book advice! It is now on hold for me at the library!